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Hard work never killed anybody, but it does keep you off Facebook 
If my number of Facebook friends drops, I just assume someone died.
if Osama really did believe that he was getting all those virgin's after death,.. umm.. then why the f*ck was he hiding for ten years?"
I'll probably be too drunk to remember the apocalypse
If "Vampire In Brooklyn" had been a bigger hit, we could have all lived the rest of our lives without these damn "Twilight" movies .
So yeah I just went outside and I'm pretty sure I won't be doing that again until at least October.
Scientists at Lake Tahoe are fighting off a clam invasion.. Or to use scientific terms, "Lilith Fair"
it better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all?......no it is NOT!
Profiling: when police stop only the cars that are driving on the sidewalk.
When dogs leap onto your bed, it's because they adore being with you. When cats leap onto your bed, it's because they adore your bed.
if it were not for mimosa's...I would not reach my daily recommended allowance of Vitamin C
219 facebook friends but only 60 numbers saved in my cell phone am I missing something here? who are these people?
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
According to a to a recent UCLA study, surfing the Internet stimulates the brain. And certian sites stimulate other parts of the body.
wants to remind you that we only have to be good for one more day.
wants a "people you may find attractive and would hook up with" section on facebook. it'd make things so much easier.
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house
Can clearly see a few people who ate a bowl of stupid for breakfast.
Gravity always gets me down... 