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The Like button. Also for choosing sides in a Facebook argument without saying anything 
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you're doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
Does anybody else just assume that the new "Annie" movie ends with Annie getting adopted by Brad & Angelina?
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole....
Two blondes were driving to Disneyland and the exit sign reads: DISNEYLAND LEFT. They started crying...
Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them go along with your anger. Wish them well, and let them go their way.
"Doctor, I been having some trouble with my Hearing".....Can you describe the symptoms?....."Sure.. Marge has blue hair, and Homer is fat!"
wondering why do women always open their mouths when they put on mascara?
the difference in Tiger Woods and Santa is Santa stops at 3 hos.
My ex once told me we need to speak the same language... so I ordered Rosetta Stone crazy edition so I could learn to communicate in her native tongue!
how do you spell procrastination? F-A-C-E-B-O-O-K...
I remember when vampires were scary, and not some twink with six-pack abs.
Still in bed, the kid asked me to come downstairs... said he wanted to show me something "totally awesome." If it's not a bacon tower, I'm gonna be pissed.
Evidently that good Samaritan bullsh*t doesn't apply when you help an old lady cross the street on the hood of your car.
if your lookin for Sympathy it is in the dictionary between S*it and Syphilis...
probably going to Hell in at least 2 different religions
Why hasn't BP used my solution yet to stop that oil leak? Simple AND brilliant...contact Tampax, have the worlds largest tampon made. Stick it in the hole....TADA, no more leak...AND the BP execs will be able to go horseback riding afterwards.
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.
just stole this status from someone who stole it from someone else.
can officially call myself a man today, made cupcakes on my own without the help of mother! 