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a man bumps into his ex wifes new husband and asks " hows the second hand fanny ? " the man replies " it great thanks , after the first 3 inches , its like brand new !!! " 
would you like that sea bass regular or unleaded?
Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, and actually came back home.
Dear Winter, I think we should spend some time apart... I'm gonna try to work things out with my ex, Summer...
thinks the Amsterdam smoke shops should begin limiting marijuana consumption to the Nigerians that are about to board planes heading to Detroit.
I have lots of great personality traits. Or as my Doctor calls them, symptoms...
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
If Dr. Seuss were alive today he might write a book about horrible footwear choices and call it Crocs with Socks... and then kill himself.
Someone give Bruno Mars a grenade and pull the pin. I'm getting sick of that song. She dosen't love you, I don't wanna hear about how your stalking her.
when life gives you dilemmas, make dilemmanade!
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
I realized today after seeing gray hair in the mirror that my dream of being a child star will never happen.
You might have a million dollar body, but you got a food stamp face!
Hugh Hefner- 87 years old, has 27 years old wife; Berlusconi -77 years old, has a 27 years old girlfriend; Maradona- 52 years old, has a 22 years old girlfriend. Moral : Don't worry that you don't have a girlfriend or wife, your's probably isn't born yet.
Premature ejaculator seeks bubbly, blonde female with big ti...... Hang on. It dosen't matter now......!
And with the official start of baseball season today, the Chicago Cubs have already been eliminated from the playoffs.
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my Word.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China..
I'm worried because a coworker has incriminating nude photos of me. She says she will use them against me if I don't stop sending them to her.
Try this: Tell your children over dinner, ''Due to the Economy,We are going to have to let one of you go!!! 