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I’m done with my 90 Day trial of 2020!
How Do I Cancel my Membership? 
"Hot singles in your area want nothing to do with you." -Honest spam
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
I need a tax person who’s not afraid of prison.
In China it's considered bad luck to be eaten by a lion.
Everyone romaine calm and lettuce pray.
I like being invited to things, it’s the showing up that bothers me.
Why is it I have to use leaves as toilet paper when I go camping while bears get to use Charmin?
"Thank-you Robert Kraft and R. Kelly!" - Jussie Smollett
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn’t stop that murder.
I'm no socialist but I do believe everyone is born with an inherent right to as many dipping sauces for their mcnuggets as they want.
Apparently, when you supply HR with a urine sample, it has to be because they requested it.
Single white sock seeks same.
I was going to wash my car in my driveway but then I realized I don't own a halter top or cut-off shorts.
Before you fall in Love with a girl with sparkling eyes. Make sure It's not the sun shining through the back of her head
Write the name of someone you hate on your arm every day with a permanent marker. That way if you die they'll become a suspect.
Not to brag, but I have been referred to as "exhausting."
It's so cold out I walked into my bank and the tellers were wearing ski masks
Know how old I am? I still owe Blockbuster $2 for not rewinding St. Elmo's Fire.
Common sense is so rare this days, it should almost be classified as a superpower 