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Hey, everybody under 25 just shut up for like FIVE minutes. 
What!? High schools with daycare centers!!....Now see what you did MTV by having that 16 & Pregnant mess! I hope you're happy.
I grew up in a tough neighborhood. Frequently, the green berets would pick on me. People call them Girl Scouts, but whatever...
Does anyone really believe this thing with the Mayan calendar? If you do it's OK but if you don't, it's not the end of the world.
What a lovely winter, we're having this spring!
I'm even late for work when I work from home
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
"Done that, done that, done that, done that & that & that" = Me, flipping through 50 Shades Of Grey.
Just found out my attic is full of cotton candy!!!
It's always funny until it happens to you.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
I hate how my friends are always trying to convince me to do extreme activities. Like bungee jumping, skydiving or leaving the house.
Trying to argue with someone over text is like being italian and having to talk with handcuffs on.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.
Why does the new FB layout say "12 more recent stories", then when you click it, it takes you way down the page to the old ones??
I've just found out men don't need prostate exams till at least 40..........I think my doctor has a lot of explaining to do.....
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end on a call, we would have no friends.
"I'm not like most girls." ~ Most girls
National Sarcasm Society - Like we need your support...
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