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Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made something interesting out of myself 
I never contradict myself. And if you say otherwise, I will agree with you.
Signs you're getting old. Trying to save something on your computer and you can't remember where you put the floppy disks.
Since I've been out of school, I've been to over 30 weddings. That's like 15 miles of the electric slide, people.
helping chinese people name their newborn babies by knocking a tin can down the stairs
thinks that with all the spam he gets abot penis enlargement, isn't time they invented a pill to shrink vaginas instead!
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
maybe it's just me, but the term "cul-de-sac" always makes me think of a scrotum.
loves nerds 2² ever...
just sneezed. Thought I'd let everyone know just in case Facebook hadn't gotten around to it yet.
Your dependence on oxygen is where our similarities end...
My check engine light is on. Someone needs to service me.
Happy Cinco De Drinko
sitting upon his mighty throne, looking over his kingdom, and wearing his crown on a trobled brow. Could some one paaaaleeeeeease bring me some toilet paper.
The best way to make an old car run better is to look at the price of a new one.
having a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
wants to find the just released Winnie the Pooh cookbook. Doesn't matter that he doesn't cook, he just wants to own a book called "Cooking with Pooh".
thinks work is becoming a nice little break from Facebook.
Now on two diets...because I was still hungry after just one.
Joran van der Sloot arrested for murder? Wow! If only there were warning signs. 