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A gunfight broke out at the BET Awards and yet some people still don't believe in stereotyping… 
They say "confidence" is the most attractive quality in a partner. But I'd have to say, "not banging my friends" would be a very close 2nd
Never ask for directions from a starfish.
The gym manager just gave me a dirty look....Apparently, reverse cowgirl is not an appropriate way to ride the exercise bike.
If I had a time machine, I'd just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don't want to attract any attention.
I wanted a friend with benefits not a friend on benefits.......
Well,,,, If you count watching Elmer Fudd singing "Kill The Wabbit," Then yes, I've been to the opera.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
Reality T.V. Show Idea: Put The Kardashians, Honey Boo Boo, and the Jersey Shore cast on a island. Have them fight it out until the last one stands and call it "Who Gives A Fu¢k"
anybody gonna mention the fact that the Mayans couldn't even predict the Spanish coming?
Ever just met someone you want to put in a large trash bag filled with a couple cinder blocks and drop them from a bridge? No? Me neither.
thinks that everyone has the ability of making someone happy, some by entering the room, others by leaving it.
iF YoU tyPE LiKE ThiS, YoU'rE prOBAblY tOo YoUNG To bE oN fACebOoK.
I'm dedicating this status update to all the statusless people out there. Stay strong.
wondering why brain cells die, skin cells die, your hair follicle die, but fat cells live FOREVER?
increasingly tempted to use the 'Like' button as a subversive, vaguely passive-aggressive weapon. For instance, some shithead I recently deleted who I was never too keen on, announced that his car had been stolen...It seeemed an ideal moment to click like
•When she came home I had laid a trail of roses to the bedroom...I had candles lit everywhere, jazz playing in the background and wine chilling with me waiting for her in my robe...now the next thing I need to do is introduce myself......
I just wish once someone would call me "Sir". . . without adding, "You're making a scene."
taking a mental vacation...my body is here but my mind is gone somewhere tropical with lots of water sunshine and a cold drink 