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Anyone with 600 friends shouldn't have to take their own picture. 
So pathetic when some people use Facebook as their drama diary. Every. Freakin. Day.
Dont tell me you are missing me when you are not doing anything about it.
I believe a lot of conflict in the old west could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
Today looks like a good day to do all the nothing I have planned.
I can always tell when I'm drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards
i think I spend more time looking for a movie on netflix then actually watching
When you were in elementary school, looking up the word "sex" in the dictionary was like watching porn.
They say talking to yourself is a sign of mental illness. So I talk to the cat instead.
Any time someone tells you they're "about 20 minutes away" they're lying... They haven't left yet.
Figured out what AT&T meant by 3G...it means my signal is Going....going....gone
THINGY (thing-ee) n.. Female- Any part under a car's hood. Male- The strap fastener on a woman's bra
One of the best feelings in the world is waking up to your room feeling like it's Alaska and you're under 8 layers of blanket.
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it's a brighter day.
Beware the disease Idiotitis. It causes the brain to shut down and the mouth to keep talking. Thousands are affected. May be contagious. Best defense: Just slap and run.
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day.
I find it funny how people throw around inspirational stuff like ‘live your life to the fullest’ after they've spent the entire day on Facebook.
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
Time Warner was voted America’s worst company in an online poll by the blog Consumerist. I have to say, I’m kind of surprised that Time Warner customers were able to get online.
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport. 