Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
I organized a three some last night....there were a couple of no-shows but I still had a good time 
That moment of panic when you clog someone else's toilet and you realize that don't have a plunger in the bathroom!!
Not that I'm complaining, but I think the sales lady at the furniture store misunderstood when I told her I wanted one nightstand."
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent and now he'll never have any friends.
Eeenie meenie miney moe, Bieber's got a camel toe.
I like to title my documents "The World" so I can feel great when I click Save
if The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me.
As I, once again, found myself glued to the riveting action of Olympic Curling, I couldn't help but see a missed advertising opportunity. Swiffer WetJet should be sponsoring the hell out of this event.
Like Buttons: for people too lazy to post a comment.
This world is coming to an end.. Volcanoes, floods, earthquakes, Justin Bieber..
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
What is love? I don't even want an answer. I'm just ecstatic knowing that at least 90% of you thought "Baby, don't hurt me."
Sharks aren't the bad guys. If some stranger entered my house in just a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
had lucky charms for breakfest. I take this day very seriously."
Copy and paste this as ur status, send it to 3 people in 10 minutes, absolutely nothing will happen! It works! Ive done it twice and both times nothing happened!
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a$$holes." ~William Gibson
A girl on Facebook posted about how she sprained her toe, and I didn't comment on how I hope it wasn't her camel toe, because I'm an adult.
Saw a magazine with two girls on it from the show Teen Mom that said "Teen Mom Ruined my life" REALLY?? I supposed the fact that you couldn't keep your panties on in the first place had NOTHING to do with it?
You think you're pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone else's shower.
Welcome to the movie theater snack bar! We have some crunchy popcorn, noisey cups of ice, crinkly candy bags, maracas, bubble wrap, and a f*cking parrot! Now silence your cell phones. 