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I Speak Fluent Sarcasm.... 
I don't know about you, but a highlight of my childhood was talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.
I love the idea of Canada and America sitting down for a bud and a labatts. While we're at it we should have some apple pie and some poutine. America and Canada are like two brothers. We may argue alot but in the end we're family. Hey america. you ROCK!
Here's your social security card. It's paper & has to last you forever. Don't laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
"Frosted Mini Wheats" are my absolute FAVORITE breakfast cereal made from scrap wicker furniture.
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
Only you can prevent forest fires, and last year there was over 70,000 of them. What the f**k man. We trusted you.
Maybe if they turned the economy off and then turned it back on it might run better. Works for my computer.
2011 Pick Up Lines: "I have a full tank of gas."
Thank you Pringles® for being the only chip company that doesn't sell air.
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what's the first thing you'd buy?
Happy Thanksgiving America ! from a Canadian :)
If you really want to get to know someone, start arguing with them.
examining one of his patients. Took the husband aside and said: Your wife doesn't look too good. Husband said: I know but she's got an awesome personality...
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes......how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?
87x/59(1 x)=(18*7x)*(67-x).....f*ck this, I'm going to be a stripper.
Following a successful off-season surgery, Favre appears ready to return for his 20th NFL season.... lobotomies must heal fairly quickly.
I might not be a great example, but I'm one hell of a good warning....
Someone came up to me and said get a life...I punched them in the face and said get a helmet. 