bego Funny Status Messages

   My next house will have no kitchen—just vending machines and a large trash can.

   Friend: "Whats a good movie?" Me: "Snakes on a plane" Friend: "Whats it about?" Me: "Horses... horses on a boat"

   Dear food commercials, Nobody eats in slow motion with their eyes closed. Sincerely, normal people.

   I heard that Google Searches stay on your hard drive forever...that means my laptop will never be for sale.

   It's 2012 and bread still has a crust. Flying cars my ass.

   Unicorns aren't extinct - they just gained weight and are now called rhinos.

   Instagram says it now can sell your pics without your permission. Good luck making money with pictures of Cups of coffee, Cupcakes & clouds.

   I love when my boss catches me actually doing work.

   Remember before the internet when people ate food and didn't need to tell everyone about it?

   Relationship Advice: The person with the longest text message response time has the upper hand.

   Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity.

   When I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, "Who did this to you?"

   Wives & girlfriends are temporary but ex-wives & ex-girlfriends last forever.

   Like sands through the hourglass, Facebook wastes the days of our lives.

   No one ever says, “It's only a game,” when their team is winning.

   A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.

   The true test of any loving relationship is having two phones and only one functioning charger.

   To me, drink responsibly means don't f?cking spill it

   The only time a woman succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby

   Todays Generation – “omg my parents never let me have nything.” via iPhone