Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
The sale of Time Warner Cable to Comcast will be completed between 8am and 1pm depending on if the CEO is late at another appointment 
Only 20 Java updates since yesterday??
No job is too big for me to ignore.
My Dad sends his love because he thinks I know you all personally.
My boss doesn't realize that I'm cleverly disguised as an adult.
the Victorian Government has released a damage report statement concerning yesterdays 5.3 earthquake, that have stated that the damage bill could run into millions of dollars worth of improvments!
you showed up in my toxicology report
I hate pushups more than a T-Rex does.
I acknowledge most people by completely ignoring them.
one good thing about snow is it covers up the dog poo so your lawn look as good as your neighbors
i guess the "forever lazy" suit is appropriately named since it looks like you were too lazy to care youre in public in your pajamas
Arousal is a miracle… Don't try to hide it. It's an unsolicited endorsement, a standing ovation, a spontaneous demonstration. ~Playboy
The only time I wear a suit is for sad occasions, like weddings and funerals.
Now I know why people are looking for intelligent life on other planets! They've given up on this one!!
My MIL would invite her self to have dinner with my husband and me. Tired of this, one time after dinner I put the dishies on the floor and let the dog lick them clean in front of her. Then put them back into the cabinet. We now have MIL free dinners.
I can't get enough of that Sugar Crisp. That is why I'm taking no chance and bringing my ID to the grocery store with me.
If you see me drinking "coffee" from a insulated tumbler in public, then you don't know me very well.
The sooner you give up on me, the easier this will be for both of us.
Staying alone is cool and all but the only problem is that it's always your turn to do the dishes.
It seems only yesterday, my dear old mum telling me to wash my food before eating it! A lovely woman, but terrible sandwiches! 