g0re Funny Status Messages

   Welcome to High School. Pick 2- Good Grades, Enough Sleep, or a Social Life

   BBC News: Gaddafi 'launching cluster bombs'. Rebel forces to retaliate with Honey nut missile.

   Life is like a pen!s. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard.

   This Planking epidemic is getting out of hand. The old lady next door been laying outside for 3 days now.

   New rule: if you're watching tv and have no idea what the f*ck is going on, it's a car commercial.

   Dwayne Wade n Chris Bosh both took cpr classes this summer... just incase Lebron decides to choke again this year.

   The funniest thing about the Darth Vader kid car commerical was that the parents thought they started the car.

   Boy: I wana fu*k you so hard right now. Girl:What?! Boy: Stupid autocorrect! Hey what you doin later? Girl: But, we're talking face to face.

   If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy

   It's silly when people say that you shouldn't like them "because they might hurt you." Everyone is going to hurt you. Some people are just worth the risk.

   When a package says "easy open" I end up using scissors, knife, hammer, gun and a lightsaber.

   It's amazing the things you'll do while procrastinating; it's almost anti- procrastination. It's like "Well, I just re-read all 7 Harry Potter books learned fluent German and mastered the ability of knife throwing... But I still didn't start that essay"

   When I die, I want my tombstone to say, "Did not forward an email to ten friends,"

   *Logs onto FaceBook and reads* 5 song lyrics, 2 people telling what they're doing right then at that very moment, 3 stupid pictures of food or funny faces, 4 attempts at a witty remark, 1 truly funny witty remark, and a person who likes 75 pages.

   Me: Wow everything seems right for once. Life: Hold on let me f*ck it up.

   Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter Bad: She keeps interrupting Worse: With corrections

   Cheating on a good girl is like throwing away a daimond and picking up a rock.

   Admit it, at least once you have sat in school and strategized about singlehandedly saving the class if a madman with a gun showed up.

   Fun fact: If you took the skin of an average person and laid it flat you would have enough to get a pretty serious criminal conviction.

   Women are like condoms; if they're not on your d!ck, they're in your wallet.