jc Funny Status Messages

   Playboy doesn't show nudes. MTV doesn't play music videos. The Learning Channel makes you dumber. What happened to the world

   I think Facebook needs another relationship type: Domestic Incarceration

   Playboy is dropping nudes because they're too easy to find on the internet? I had no idea. I only read the internet for the articles.

   If I blocked you on Facebook, what makes you think I want to talk to you in real life?

   I'm convinced this formula is correct: big car stereo = small wiener

   The older I get, the older old is.

   Do you remember Sit and Spin? No, not the toy... your early drinking days.

   You can't get on your feet until you get off your ass.

   When I say, "I never do that"...what I mean is "I haven't done that in the past five minutes."

   Your proctologist called. He found your head.

   I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.

   Don't make me go all CAPS LOCKS on you...

   As a fast driver, I have certain rules when I come to a red light intersection with two or more lanes. In order of importance: Never get behind a: 1) A semi, bus or large truck, 2) Drivers with grey hair, 3) A Prius (or other hybrid), and 4) A mini van

   Dad always tried to warn me that if I continued to play with the stapler while naked I would eventually be bored enough to try stapling things that should not be stapled. For well over 30 years I proved Dad wrong. Today, however, he was finally right.

   The month of March - In like a lion, out like a lamb. A ferocious, saber-toothed, axe-wielding, lamb. Brrrrr...

   I'm hung like Einstein and smart as a horse.

   Growing old but never up

   The Pope excommunicates Italian Mafia: I wonder who the next pope is gonna be...

   I read today that 99% of women don't like men in leather pants. That is convenient...because 99% of men in leather pants don't like women.

   I use my cell phone as backlighting at night when I flip someone off so they can better see my finger.