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Blind Date Tip: In the middle of dinner throw a surprise punch to see if they are really blind 
Written inside a Valentines card: Jet fuel isn't hot enough to melt steel beams, but you are.
Father's Day must be the most confusing day in the ghetto.
Giant douche or turd sandwich? ....the choice is yours.
The law of attraction is you will lick someone where they pee. . .
What I am asking Santa for this year is his list of naughty women over 30. . .
new way for a woman to get even with her ex....take his credit card & go on a shopping spree at target
♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ I'm Dreaming Of A White Isthmus ♪ ♫ ♩ ♬ .....(Hey what can I say, I have a thing for snow covered narrow strips of land connecting two larger land areas.)
brought home warm beer.. put one on the back porch.. 3 minutes a side.. came out perfect
Jameis Winston's trial has been overturned, because he is getting raped!
I asked for a glass of cold water from my drunk af friend I found him with a cup in the microwave. I told him "I said cold water whys it in the microwave?" He replied "we didn't have any cold water, so I'm melting ice for you" l
The police are searching Justin Bieber's house for eggs. "Take your time." said every rapist and murderer.
If the 'D' stands for death, then yes, my Wife REALLY wants my 'D'.
Did Obama not give insurance to the Comedians around here?
soccer weenies ?? try some rugby......eejit!!!
only close minded individuals talk about politic on social media!
Being a man in biblical times must’ve been hard. You’re busy then your wife says, “Someone parted the Red Sea & you’re here screwing sheep.”
I shoved a plunger up gayray's crack in CVS bathrooms. They're no longer having a rubber sale.
Hey dad, thanks for not pulling out..
I hate how others want to remove my southern history from existence. Too bad I don't know much about southern history and I assume a lot of things in it. 