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The most stunning thing about Obama's nuclear announcement was that we have a President who can pronounce "nuclear." 
showing his colleagues your profile and they're all laughing at your picture.
opening a gym called Resolutions in January. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50
Fine England, you have princes and princesses, but we have OBAMA.......Oh wait.........;)
Just remember this holiday season, if you say "May you kiss may ass" really fast... it will sound just like "Merry Christmas"!!!
Today when you are looking at your pay-stub, keep in mind that the 48 million people on welfare like you!!
"Osama bin Laden is dead and General Motors is alive."
Whoever wants to kill anybody, should probably do so in Florida you will be free.
In the 80's we had Reagan in office. We also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have Obama in office and we have no Hope and no Cash...
gave old clothes for Haïti today. It's not much but it's much more helpful than prayers. People in Haïti don't need your useless prayers. They need concrete help!
oh!!!!! sorryy my smoking is bothering you ?? shut the hell up it's killing me !!!
OK. What genius decided to call it the "Jab" and not the "Hokey Pokey"?
Sure hope this episode of “Celebrity President” ends soon.
just heard that they took the gold away from lindsey vonn! they gave it to obama instead since hes gone downhill faster than anyone else!Use
a good deed is when you smoke weed
If you don't know your drinking LIMIT, please DON'T GO OUT!! No need to get all drunk and act like a bada$$. Hey, i'm just trying to help you out.
secretly Ron Burgundy
and Richard Simmons are now friends
LIKE IF... You've recorded yourself singing to see if you could actually sing.
how do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Put him on a stage with Tigers!!! 