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I wanted to put an England flag up outside my house but couldn't find one anywhere, luckily the old french soldier who lives next door gave me his flag and I just painted a red cross on it! 
Dr says my cholesterol count is so high that... I can't even say "cheese" when I get my picture taken.
I just deleted all the German contacts from my phone. It's now Hans free
theres nothing hotter than when a guy stares at my cleavage amd I pretend to get offended....
If life hands you lemons, hey.... free lemons.
Hey ladies that still wear one-piece bathing suits: Nope.
n't it funny that Mr. Krabs lives in Bikini Bottom? Coincidence? I think not!
George Clooney could have any woman he wanted. Yet he's out fighting for peace in a third world country... What a moron
Pictures of the Queen naked....Oooops! This isn't Google.....
Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a women asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ
My wife is going to crap when she sees I've fixed the toilet
would like to crack a dope joke...but sympathies to Houston's family!
Google "do a barrel roll" (look at the screen while typing)
stares at you when you're asleep.
Farmville......Fishville??? Are you serious??? Just wake me up when they launch "Margaritaville"......I'll be there:)
did you cheat? ... No I opened the book.
If pink is for Breast cancer, brown should be for colon cancer.
I think we’ve officially regressed back to medieval peasants. All we do is bake bread, revolt, and avoid plagues
I wonder how many of the people who don't like that anti religion staus really go to church every Sunday and give atleast 10% of there income to the church. I bet not many
A school in Kentucky is going to start teaching the Bible in the class room.....yea that's great...but I didn't know anyone in Kentucky knew how to read. 