Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Was watching Bon Jovi unplugged was how I was gonna start this update til I realized I was admitting to watching Bon Jovi Unplugged!

   Loosely translated, Cinco de Mayo means "destroy their livers."

   On this rediculously windy day I have decided to reinforce my toupee with extra strength polly grip

   Google's PacMan Game Cost the World $120 Million‎... :O

   What do I mean, "inner geek"? I'm deluding myself -- I'm pretty much geek all the way through.

   always tells people they'll miss me when I'm gone and they say, "How can we miss you if you won't leave!"

   Run little rabbit! Run!

   If good chocolate, good friends, good hugs or a good solicitor can't fix it then it simply can't be fixed... =)

   Hey, someone finally won! Celebrate irresponsibly.

   I try to surround myself with happy, positive people, but sometimes they just really piss me off.

   Oscar Mayer needs to change the labeling on their bacon packages to read "Excellent source of hangover cure."

   Tiger Woods' golf game, marriage crumbles. I guess going from 120 holes down to 18 has been too hard an adjustment for him!

   well in his defense.. You are only his step sister.

   Cartwheels?...... In this economy?

   I wanna be the reason you hire a private investigator.

   A lady on the streets and a freak in the sheets is impossible. The good freaks wouldn't limit it to a bed. I'll take the freak everywhere

   Posting pictures of a huge supply of hard liquor isn't going to impress anyone but your toxicologist.

   My Doctor tried telling me I'm suffering from a split personality, I told him he was incorrect, as we're both just fine.

   Be thankful for who you are, because there might be someone out there who wishes to be you.

   Clark Kent’s mask is a pair of glasses? And no one recognised him? I wore glasses to the job I was fired from and I was still kicked out.