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How does Michael Jackson know when it's bedtime?.....when the big hand touches the little hand 
Old people are so cute...And they smell funny
Once had an awkward moment just to see how it felt
i was so poor growing up if I wasn't a boy I would have nothing to play with!
getting ready for May 21st (this Friday) which is Talk Like Yoda Day...practicing we should be, hmm?
is thinking 9000 people are having sex right now, 2000 are kissing and you are reading my status. Hang in there mate !!
If I threw all my problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, I'd grab mines back...
has a message to all Gingers. Let Raoul Moat be a lesson. We will find you and make it look like suicide!
had to fill out a doctor paper once it said "sex M/F" I didnt know what M or F was so I put"no thanx"
This fish smells familiar. I just can't put my finger on it.
I just read a Facebook status update that was so confusing, I had no idea what they meant. Then I realized it was mine.
Gangsta rap made me do it
still has Circus Peanuts left over from Halloween 1956. Yum!
You're a first time vegan and it's nice to meat ya
the next time someone says nothing is impossible tell them to try and unboil a hard boiled egg
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered
I want a red rider 200 shot carbine action range model air rifle with a compass and this thing which tells time built right in the stock.
Golf is a good walk ruined
People reckon I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).
When you fight with a pig in the mud you both get dirty, but the pig likes it! 