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If Dane Cook is lame, why do you follow him on Twitter? 
I just read that Stevie Wonder is filing for divorce. I guess in the end, they just didnt share the same views!
Black guys and white guys never have more in common than when they're being yelled at in public by their girlfriends.
I think the worst part about stubbing your toe is knowing a few seconds later the pain will come.
Oooooh, It's SHARK week and NOT "shart" week...embarrassing :/
My mother-in-law has to work for "Tips",,,,,,,,,, Yeah,, You see, Nobody will put the whole thing in....
How about we start being thankful everyday,,, then have a holiday once a year called Complainsgiving?... It could even be tied somehow to Festivus
ladies it's hard for us to read your thoughts if you already vocalize each and every last one of them
Its not about how many friends you have. Its about how many of your friends you can rely on in times of trouble.
This morning, I got robbed in the shower by some soap scum.
My boss and I will have to agree to disagree. He wants me to do stuff that will make him money. I want to do stuff that will get me drunk.
Wanted GF. A girl with good cooking skills and a jet ski, please show pic of jet ski.
I'm not saying my ex wife was crazy but she was jealous of my dog...
Papacy - humans praying to another human.
Lost in all this marriage debate are the Tranny's. Who can they marry, either sex or neither sex??
funny, I see anyone wearing those "LiveStrong" wristbands anymore...
How do you choke someone without killing them? Asking for a friend.
If You Can't Be With The One You Love... Slap The One You're With!
I have a great name for a dating site which pretty much sums the whole thing up in a nutshell...Desperate Losers.
brakes for unicorns. 