Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
Praying Steve can make this 20 hour wait to download the new iOS 5 hurry up from his iCloud 
instead of watches, Timex should make hearts..."takes a cheatin & keep on beatin...takes a dumpin & keep on pumpin
Well I ran out of Halloween Candy really early so I just Shut Off all the Lights and Hid .................. Screw the Ships, my Lighthouse, my Rules!
This is scarier night then Halloween.
Hey, he just called you Indian. Oh hell'no. Hold my Fry Bread
People who say I'm hard to buy for obviously don't drink or smoke weed
I'm feeling nostalgic. I remembered 2016 like it was yesterday
Someone I know just had a great great grandchild. That kid comes from a long line of fucl<ers.
driving to the ER* I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you.
Someone you know will die doing what they loved: Bathing with their toaster.
I'm going to see to it that Tallmtnman dies from my hands. We don't need raci.sts like him.
Working on being less of an azz than I was yesterday...baby steps.
Other kids grew up watching SpongeBob. I watched The West Wing.
Apparently answering "Dust!!" when your partner asked what's on the TV wasn't the correct answer.
Just found out the Tooth Fairy isn't real!!! ... Dammit ... So much for my retirement plan! BTW ... Is Bernie still running? .... He's my backup plan B. If not ... That lady promising me lotsa free stuff will have to do. She can also print money right?
Ok, This ridiculous Pokémon craze is getting out of control, but if you ladies insist on playing, I have a giant Pokémon in my pants. His name is Squirtle...
there a Pokemon Stop? I'll get that one.
I think it's funny how "go to sleep " and "do parkour" sound exactly the same to my kids
If you are on fire, my advice would be to get off fire.
Found a pin that said "WWJD?" in my hotel room. I'm having a dilemma because I'm pretty sure cocaine and strippers isn't the answer. 