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when it Snows everyone gives a bit of advice ... 'Don't eat yellow Snow' .... I would further advise to avoid eating BROWN SNOW. 
I think its so cheesey when people get all mushy & lovey dovey with their facebook status... on another note~ my boyfriend is the best, he is cute, sweet, sexy, handsome, makes me laugh, has the sexiest voice, makes me smile everyday
Michael jackson died 1day before the BET AWARDS....Amy Whinehouse died 1day before the VMA'S and whitney houston died 1day before the GRAMMYs...so are we Expected to expect more pre award and post award deaths?!
A mosquito fell into my beer five minutes ago and now he's naked and calling his ex-girlfriends and drinking my beer
Be England what she will,with all her faults she's my country still. Remember that you are an Englishman, and have consequently won first prize in the lottery of life. HAPPY ST GEORGE's DAY
You know you're ugly when the plastic surgeon wants to add a tail
Today My doctor was checking my Balls for lumps but the Doctor said I crossed the line and it was very awkward when I ran my fingers through her hair... Again how is it that I crossed the line and she didnt???
I don't care how nice my neighbors are, I still wanna put their garden hose in their bedroom window and turn it on around 3 am.......
Why is "All Together" written separately, but "Separately" is written all together?
"im a good girl" -bad girls
If you don't listen to songs you loved in high school while you're drunk & cry as you text your HS gym teacher, than neither do I.
just read where Ashton Kutcher is divorcing from his grandmother, how will I ever sleep a sound sleep tonight?
Happy endings only ever exist if you find a good masseuse. Other than that they are nothing but a fairytale!
Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.
I never make the same mistake twice. Except for that time in Thailand. But in my defence they had really small atoms apples.
A relationship with no trust is like a cell phone with no service. You can only play games.
Looking into one of those non attorney spokesman gigs.
"Eww, I'm so ugly." Like oops I think you spelt "I want attention" wrong. Confidence is key ladies.
What superpower would I want? The ability to know if the bite of food is rotten or moldy BEFORE I stick in my mouth and chew!
I just bought Monopoly, 2011 special edition. It's really not fun to play. The banker always wins. 