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Raise your hand if you remember Carlos Mencia. Okay, now slap yourself. 
Jobs of your boss: 5% to pay your wages. 95% to annoy the hell out of you
Some kids want drugs, some want alcohol. Honestly, all I want is a good nap.
Wish I was rich enough to own a room full of bees & if someone upset me I could order my muscular butler to "Take them to the Bee Room!"
Pimpin aint easy!!! Not that I'm a pimp or anything.. I'm just saying...
Some people are so lazy, they would actually quit having sex if someone just told them its a good form of exercise
I was going to upload a photo of my biceps but I don't have a wide angle lens
My boss at the construction site said if I wear my forever lazy suit one more time I'm fired
Wow...I spend good money on a fencing class and all the while I was hammering nails this dude kept poking me with a sword... I so wanted to slap that bee mask right off his head...
santa was right when he looked at you and said "ho ho ho"
Yesterday doesn't exist - Tomorrow never comes - There is only today - Now let these b!tches have it!
It's all New Orleans Saints day.
Good grades, enough sleep, a social life...you can only pick two
Tonight , I will be the Designated Drunk
I'm not a player, I just tuck a lot. ~Transvestites
My neighbor called the cops because he thought I was screaming in pain when in fact I was just singing in the shower.
Having trouble sleeping? How about I tuck you in with this left hook.
Love is when you wake up with your boxers around your ankles and your hands full of peanut butter, right?.
"Business in the front, party in the back" would be a terrible slogan for a medical clinic.
You are the only person who will see you wearing your novelty boxer shorts. 