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I miss Gary Coleman, I grew up with him...he just never did. 
does anyone find it a bit distasteful that the movie Soul Surfer was released during "Shark Week"? I'm just saying!
Sesame street announced this week that Bert and Ernie are not Gay. I knew that already, They have no sense of style and haven't changed their outfits in 25 years. They are just dirty old men like me.
What has 50 legs and smells like urine? The Conga line at the nursing home's "Annual Harvest Moon Dance".
the feeling of getting an email with an attachment
Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?
Guy walking through the Olympic Village when a man askd him "are you a Pole Vaulter" the guys says "No I'm a German but how did you know my name was Valter"
Yo Hologram Tupac, I'm real happy for you and I'ma let you finish but Obi-Wan Kenobi was one of the best holograms of all time!
They say men are from mars and women are from Venus, but I'd like to believe men are from earth and women are from earth also.
My Dr told me I might have that new Chinese disease...Its called Dragon Ass
The police knocked on my door last night and said my dog had chased someone on a bike... I called Bullcr*p..... My dog doesn't have a bike..
George Zimmerman is proof that we don't need any more gun control. We need pin-headed vigilante control.
* He has put his foot in his mouth so often, that his foot bone spurs has transferred to his brain and that is why he can not act rationally.
why is it called hoarding and not stock home syndrome?
I played a country music song backwards. I got my truck back,my house back,my dog back..
Texas wants to become its own Country. Great we can boost our economy by building a wall around it.
I prefer going to the pub than going to church because the spirits in the pub are real
I propose that Jesus must have been a Zombie. Lets look at the facts: He came back from the dead, He wants you drink his blood and also eat his flesh so that you have ever lasting life. Or maybe... a vampire-zombie? Hmm... futher study is needed.
If Adele spent more time on her relationships than eating non-stop at Golden Corral we wouldn't have to listen to her whiney ass songs.
BREAKING NEWS - Obama just won an Oscar for watching a movie! 