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would shove an eggbeater up Gordon Ramsey's creepy, arrogant arse if he he ever talked to me they he does to the restauranteurs on his show. 
He knows when you are sleeping...he knows when you're awake....oh my God I'm scared!!!
Florida school board shooter's wife says husband 'misunderstood'. Yeah, he misunderstood how to aim.
Thank you lady from the "Help! I've fallen and can't get up!" commercials. Thank you for making me laugh with your comedic genius!
how many tweets could tweetybird tweet if tweetybird could tweet tweets
If God had wanted Mexicans to rule the world he wouldn't have invented Tequila ~ Happy Cinco De Mayo
likes to go to the local pet store, find the most innocent looking clerk and ask "where are all the bi*-ches at?"
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life!!!!
says if humans have evolved from apes then why are the apes still around
gonna party like it's 1929.
thinks "romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i might have a piece of sh*t, but I drive it like its nice :)
I bought my ex a pen for her birthday once. I should have got a better one though, she kept getting out. :(
Anyone else see FB Bugs?! ̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨̨̨̨̨̨̨̨They drive you crazy and you can't wıpe them off your screen!!
Just learned my (now broken) phone is NOT a transformer... Evidently, "Airplane mode" doesn't mean $H!^...
♥ LOVE always has it`s ``ERRORS`` sometimes we try 2 ``REFRESH`` then realyize it`s best 2 b ``SHUTDOWN`` but the hardest part is 2 ``RESTART`` your life and ``REFORMAT`` your HEART ♥
Confucious say, "Women's panties not best thing in life, but next to best thing in life."
Confucious say , he who eat jelly bean, fart in living color.
I hope Al Quaeda don't start putting bombs in cans of alphabet soup If one explodes......it could spell disaster.
Looking at a hot woman and thinking, ‘The things I would do to you.' 