Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I reserve anal sex for special occasions. First dates for example.

   You learn something new every day. Countries that have 90% poverty and you cant drink the water are paradise, instead of the $h1tholes we though they are.

   In honor of the super bowl, whenever I go to poop today, i'll refer to it as "taking the browns to the super bowl"

   My greatest regret in life is not being a billionaire.

   In Punxsutawney for breakfast trying to figure out what the mystery meat next to the pancakes is?

   wonders if cupid has a job opening??? I would love to shoot people in the a** and get away with it!!!

   See this Ipod ? Hear the music ? It's the only thing that's keeping me from killing you right now .

   watching a cooking show full of dumb hosts and arrogant chefs. Yes, I think they should all try the smelly sauerkraut water - and choke to death.

   I think people must start requesting some sort of C.V or background profile on paper before engaging into relationships, would be advantages to know things like ful service history, Mileage, accurate shoe size and of cause HIV statuses

   Creating creative statuses is one of the many habits of highly effective people!

   "We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated."

   Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson should get hitched... Just sayin.

   Toward no crimes have men shown themselves so cold- bloodedly cruel as in punishing differences of belief.

   The statement to th right is true..the statment to the left is false

   I am going to come out with a personal credit card reader and call it the "As swipe"

   Congratulations! You have just won 100,000,000 dollars in the mobile draw reply with full name, D.O.B, address etc. to claim your price. By courtesy of the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe.

   When a cop pulls you over for doing 32 in a 30, I dont advise calling him a Nazi, unless you are looking for 3 square meals a day and a shower, fml

   Even though they so many people die because of alcohol, you never think about how many of them are born because of it.

   They call them "pizza rolls" because"pizza love handles" was too wordy.

   I wonder if I ask too many hypothetical questions?