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I love yoga pants as much as the next guy, but now I also know that my sister has a great ass. 
Baghdad / Done , Damascus / Under Process - Cairo / Next
♬ Boots on the ground, boots on the ground, looking like a fool with boots on the ground! ♬
When a man talks dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man it's $3.95 a minute!!
Hey brain, tell the idiot that Carona is not a screw top!! Signed, the skin between the thumb and fore finger.
apparently people dont like it when I tell the truth.... well honestly IDGAF!! :)
That awkward moment when you've been drinking, waiting for your girl come over and she calls to say she being arrested and needs you to come get her car from the cops before it gets impounded.
Who cares if taco bell isn't using all beef, whatever it is it taste good and it's playing the part!
says yeah, yeah Aguilera messed up the lyrics, probably because she was afriad of getting sexually assaulted by the Roethlisberger...
upset :( threw my iPhone with the "flight mode" on, but it didn't fly...
sniffing coke and ice cubes got stuck in my nose
just headbutted his cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if I failed the breathalizer.
Without ME, it's just AWESO
Just because I'm drive, doesn't mean I can't drunk!!!
Why don't you cram some of that make up down your throat so you can be pretty on the inside>?
3 words, 8 letters. 3 syllables, 5 vowels, 3 consonants, 2 nouns, one emotion, many meanings, a big lie, a rare truth: I LOVE YOU!
I think Osama will be the next Megatron
Cant believe why jews didn't come up with "my mind on my money and my money on my mind."
atheists only exist cause they haven't tasted this grilled cheese I just made.
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