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Chocolate lovers are thinner, study says. Obviously they did not contact me. 
Going out on a date with Octomom tonight… Just in case…wearing socks under 3 pairs of condoms…
Our Grandpa of a V!agra overdose,,, and to this day, we still regret not burying him just a few inches deeper...
Don't bother flirting with a girl on fb who has no pics posted of herself. You'd be better off with your face buried in Randy Jackson's a$$ all night, than to go on a date with her.
A message in a bottle is just ocean spam. Don't open it.
It's impossible to give 110% -- so right off the bat you are lying to me.
Nobody complements my girlfriend and gets away with it.
stuck his hand in the junk drawer; Now it smells like (insert name).
I'm fairly certain with some BLING and a TIARA I could rule the world :)
•giving "the silent treatment" only matters to those who want to hear what you have to say.
been poked more times than a fireplace this month.
if you need any more proof that people's self perception is skewed, just look at their avatars. How you weigh 500 lbs but your avatar is 120 lbs. at best?
she will name her first cyber baby after you ;)
pretending I'm a rock super star with Barney karaoke !!!
To the people I forgot, you weren`t on my mind for some reason and you probably don`t deserve any thanks anyway.
The spark of a genius exists in the brain of the truly creative man from the hour of his birth. True genius is always inborn and never cultivated, let alone learned
a good listener (under the current definition of Kin Hubbard:"a good listener is usually thinking of something else")
just googled "MAMBY PAMBY LAND" and I'll be damned.... It took me HERE!!!
Ok I can only last 5 mins in bed so remind me....... why am I going to use Trojan fire&ice again????
Perfect nite for New Years eve practice....You can build up your alcohol tolerance in disguise to hide the fact your a lightweight. 