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I know you love me baby. I know. Which is why I got this restraining order on your ass. 
does Life feels heavy and the days are not really what you want? The solution is to look at life as a male dog. if it can not be eaten or fu#ked, so piss on it and move on ...
Made a voodoo doll of myself and sucked its d!ck. Now I wait.....
"Aww. You shouldn't have" is woman for "if you didn't you better start praying"
UGH! A co-worker is here with kids and I don't want to talk to them, so I'm trying to look busy. This is the hardest I've worked all week!
Interesting what people will do for money. Noteworthy what I'll do for free beer.
Finally, the first snowfall of the season. Now I have a valid reason for blowing through the traffic lights.
There are two different kind of people in the world, "born" ones and "made" ones.
Text me first so I know it's real
The more you just sit there and look at your problem the more it grows.
Want to save money this Valentine's day? Better get started on ending the relationship you're in.
Saw an unbelievable photo essay of teens being starved and put to work outdoors, but it turned out to be an Urban Outfitters catalog.
I must be cruel only to be kind. Yes, thy rear does look big in that dress.
My "In case of emergency number" is the liquor store down the street!!
: I've named my penis 'Attention' because we all know how much women love fcuking attention.
Seems like everyday is some kind of cause, appreciation or event day. I think most are made up. Unlike today which is Ladies have sex with (name) day!
If Rihanna "loved the way it hurt", she'd still be with Chris Brown.
Accidentally took a second muscle relaxant and I haven't felt this calm since I was in the womb and my Mom was smoking and drinking.
I’m watching Fatal Attraction to refresh my psycho skills
It’s like all of my wife’s friends say - stop sucking on my loofah and get out of my house 