Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I no longer fear hell -- I've worked in Retail.

   She didn't make me pay before she gave me service........... So I paid her in Trident Layers.........

   Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing....

   Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

   coming out of the closet. I was playing hide & seek.

   All these years I thought cuddling meant holding her head while she bows you.

   Just got home and found all the doors and windows open everything gone! What kind of person does that to someones Advent calender?

   I have this great midnight snack it's called, what do I think my roommate won't notice if I eat the edges off of

    If you thought your parents were strict, I was toilet trained at gunpoint.

   Humor is a great way to get a girl into your bed but handcuffs is the best way to keep her there.

   While chasing flies in my kitchen with a fly swatter, I have come to realise that some flies are more clever than some humans I know.

   Stay away from gangs, kids. You don't wanna end up playing a cop on TV.

   85% of men don't understand Women & the balance 15% suffer from short-term memory loss!

   Ladies don't call a guy you are not romantically interested encouraging things like "babe", "love" or "hun". This is will only give the poor sods false hope.

   I saw a guy wearing a "World's Greatest Dad" shirt, so I killed him and took it. There can be only one.

   I'm a keeper...of bees.

   What's the big deal about same s3x marriage? My wife and I have been married 20 years and it's always the same s3x.

   I am a firm believer in when one door closes, another one opens. Yep, I believe in ghosts...

   I have ADHD so bad that I should probably never throw a boomerang.

   Paid all my bills tonight and I'm still hood rich. Lol Going to by me a gum ball in the morning. Woowhoo