Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I would imagine if you understood morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy!

   GUY: Babe, let's go to the zoo! GIRL: Sorry but I'm not ready to meet your family.

   I just had a nowhere near death experience. It was completely life continuing.

   New bumper sticker: If it is against the law for me to follow you home and shove that cell phone up your bum than you better keep your car in your lane!

   childrens shows should really take into consideration that some kids may not have two eyes two ears and so on befote they sing about it.

   I have been teased by friends and family that I spend way too much time on Facebook and that I really need to get a life. I am happy to say that I DO have a life outside of Facebook, but unfortunately I have forgotten the password for it.

   Smithers, I dont believe in suicide but it would help cheer me up if you tried it.

   mad as hell my toaster oven burned my toast again....I must be Black-toast intolerant.

   Happy Beer the 13th

   How do I set my Lazer Printer to Stun?

   thinks a religious war compares to 2 kids having an arguement who got the toughest imaginary friend

   As I was listening to myself sneeze, I realized it sounds like "eh choo" not "ah choo" so maybe my sneeze is Canadian?

   Riding through the aisles of Walmart on a scooter from the toy section wearing some Cookie Monster Tighty Whities, rainbow striped thigh high socks, wearing a construction hat and screaming FREE WILLIE while knocking over everything in site until loss pre

   at the nail salon & a lady working there asked me something. I couldn't understand, so I asked my nail tech to tell her that. He turns and said to her, "She stupid, she no understand". thx a lot nail tech..no tip for you! ha

   Sometimes I just gotta take a ride on the Dude Train

   it takes six licks to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop! (with a slight crunch)

   every time I utilize paper towels regardless of the brand I always compare them to the quicker picker upper..

   The Makers of K-2 has just come out with another break through synthetic, called J-2. Its Synthetic Jesus in incense form. No need to go to church now, you are automatically saved from hell fire and damnation! Side effects may include speaking in tongues.

   A great way to start my day, I got a speeding ticket on my way to work & got written up for getting late...

   95% of People who say, "Study! Study! Study!" during finals week are actually reading...Too bad they don't realize Facebook is not actually a book.....