Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Do emo kids not get enough Happy Meals as a kid?

   pandora just gave me a Hanson song and it wasn't even Mmmbop...Shamful!!!

   Me and my 2 friends can satisfy any women...Yup me and my good friend VISA and M/C...

   I saw 2 people lost in front of the Garmin Store

   someone accused me of being patronizing! that means I treat people like their stupid.

   Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise...

   I always watch the credits at the end of a movie just to see if there's a chance I got drunk and stumbled onto the set.

   Every year for Halloween, Kanye West dresses up as Kanye West.

   Sorry I pee peed all over your bathroom, but my Shakira ringtone came on and my hips reacted naturally.

   I got a sixth degree black belt in I don't give a f**k. . .

   The moment you understand the value of life, is the moment you die.

   If it burns when I pee that just means someone's thinking about my junk right? RIGHT!? GUYS SERIOUSLY

   If you play your cards right, she'll want you to poker.

   You know you've had a bad day when you die.

   Babies never smile in their pictures. Why are they so pissed???

   I really miss childhood. You know, sometimes I pee on my bed just to remember what it's like.

   waiter: "what would you like to drink?" me: "тнє вℓσσ∂ σƒ му єηємιєѕ" waiter:... me:... waiter:... me:... waiter:... me:... waiter: "is pepsi okay?"

   I'd rather shave my crotch with an AIDS infested razor I got from a hobo than befriend your dog on Facebook.

   Why can't a pony sing? ............Because it's a little horse.

   Willie Nelson got hit by a car yesterday. He was playing "On the Road Again".