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The weather outside is frightful! Hot sex is so delightful,theres nobody else you know, text a ho,text a ho,text a ho 
Get an education. Global warming/climate change is indicated by extremes. Unusual, extrem heat waves, droughts, hurricane season, sunamus, tornadoes, cold weather systems, blizzards, etc.
If you wear two swim suits you can pee in the pool this summer-Dr.Fauchi
If somebody has a 50 gallon barrel for rainwater please PM me, but I'm not going to pick it up because I don't need it.
We can all say "Happy New Year" , but don't forget those who lost their homes and loved ones today due to the tornadoes; I am sure its not a very Happy New Year for some. So for me, I am just thankful for what I still have today.
When my girlfriend was paralysed after the accident she worried about the changes it would make to her life. My concern was how would she cope now that she was single....
If I could play golf with any celebrity, it would be Stephen Hawking. I would win by a landslide, assuming he doesn't play with a handicap.
People used to be much smaller. WWII people were a foot shorter. Medieval people were basically hobbits. Noah was the size of a cat
a p°nis has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an a55hole, his bestfriend is a pu55y and his owner beats him!
You know who I can't stand? Flo from Progressive and Jared from Subway. I wish they'd hook up, then drive off a cliff while choking on a five dollar footlong.
Attacking the rich is not envy, it is self defence. The hoarding of wealth is the cause of poverty. The rich aren't just indifferent to poverty: they create it and maintain it. This is America in 2016.
We can put a man on the moon but we can't put a cat in the dishwasher
I need a toothpick to remove this prius that is stuck on the grill of my hummer
Porsche for sale C?HEAP! Needs some work.
Here's one for the women.......................... It's a 5-speed vibrator kind of day.
Tsunami works like this: If you don't go to beach, beach goes to you.
no matter what happens in England my queen will always be Latifah
FaceBook was shut down for 10min today.I could only imagine the baby boom to come in 9 months from now...
s standing at the entrance of weight watchers eating A bucket of kfc, ha ha, how cruel am I :-)
woke up with post-it note where one of his toes should have been. It said "Gone to market"....
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