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having pink taco's for dinner 
A friday with out Booze is like a Church without a priest...
Did you know your Index finger is a perfect fit for your nostril?
Frankly, 'm surprised BP hasn't called Tiger Woods, given his expertise in filling golf holes
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.......or swallow... In that case, call me ;)
smelling the whiskey burning down Copperhead Road.....
so awesome, even my Camaro says Iroc!
Apparently saying you're gay with excitement about going to the Texas Rodeo is a poor choice of words
can't stand on his own because he's too-tired and a bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired
Happy Chinese New year!! It is the year of the Tiger. I can think of one Tiger who isn't having a good year.
Fine Arts < Real Education
Be careful the bridges you burn today may be the very ones you will one day have to cross!
There's a good chance that any empty can you see rolling along the sidewalk is just Patrick Swayze's ghost learning how to move objects.
Top 100 lies:::#38 No baby, I've never faked it with you.
If going down on one knee is called Tebowing, then I guess dropping your pants and bending over is called being a US citizen!
Facebook needs these 3 buttons: “Dislike”, “Who cares”, “Are you an idiot?”
Kourtney Kardashian's pregnant. This is awesome because I was just starting to think that Chewbaccas were becoming extinct...
We installed a Cain Train around the base of our Christmas tree, but it keeps stopping to hit on the Sugar Plum Fairy ornament.
On the 5th day of Christmas? Christmas is ONE day. Convert to Judaism if you need a longer holiday.
Search engine guide: BING = "But It's Not Google!" , YAHOO = "You Always Have Other Option" , GOOGLE = "Great Omnipotent Optimal Guide to Lots of Everything". 