Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My wife said no sex tonight. End of discussion. Period.

   Wearing crocs to protect your virginity.

   Why does paper beat rock? if you hold a paper in front of your face and I throw a rock at it who wins?

   Cleaning out my closet while listening to "Cleanin' out my closet" Priceless.

   I have many talents… For example: Sleeping…and Eating…and damn Drinking!

   Why is everyone so down on Manti Te'o? When you get right down to it...all relationships are imaginary.

   it just me or does everyone look into a mirror and then look for the "Like" button.

   always place women on high pedestals, it helps you look up their skirts better.

   A-Rod, Kobe and Tiger ... perhaps the three most arrogant athletes of our time ... all had pretty bad Fridays.

   Watching that episode where Scooby Doo takes a dump on the kitchen floor and Shaggy beats him mercilessly with an old newspaper...

   I failed my driver's test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?" I said, I don't know... look around, listen to the radio.

   Umm why the f^ck would I take care of myself? I’ll never be able to retire. Dying young is my only option.

   There's more to Alcohol than life!!!

   I love you so much I'll eat this pizza to prove it.

   My Ex-Wife once asked me to name a star after her...Fugly-McWh0re-B!t ch is the brightest star in the sky!!!

   From the moment I saw you, I wanted 2 be inside You, The way you smell, The way your tongue feels, The way you tighten n loosen.....Gotta love new sneakers.

   When I see someone texting and walking, I sometimes purposely vier over and bump into them.

   I'm not saying I'm lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my truck so I just wrote back "nah"

   She's not my girl but I get her to smile

   I'd love to give whoever designed the iPhone 5 a car that refills quickly at the pump but only goes 10 miles before needing another refill