Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain, and then get struck by the light

   can't afford these gas prices anymore..... I'm charging up Leroy's Buzz Lightyear car and leaving for work 4 hours early tonight.

   If google is great why cant I find my sanity??

   has been trying to plug the keyboard from his PC into his HI-FI system. Call me stupid if you want but that would just be stereo typing

   doesn't know where the continuum transfunctioner(a device whose mystery is only exceeded by its power)is, but Zoltan won't stop bothering me

   I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener.

   Wondering what's on facebook's mind

   just got a wicked deal on a book.Do It Yourself Surgery At Home.Any takers?

   She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers

   Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

   We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police.

   trying to figure out a way to text 'off' to my alarm so I don't have to get up.

   Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed.

   she didn't think it was as funny when her plans for a Dutch Oven backfired.

   How many crap loads are there in a sh*t ton again? cuz that's exactly how Cleveland feels like right now...

   Watching tear jerker movies and eating big bowls of ice cream .. anybody got a Tampax ?

   The difference between me and R. Kelly is that when I pee on people I am swimming in a lake.

   BONG: what you put the flowers in when then cops drive by. lol

   I still stop conversations to join in for that "Hey! Must be the money!" part of the song.

   I just went on a Facebook poking spree.