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Love means never having to say you're sorry. But only if the relationship you're in is imaginary. 
That moment when you have so many things to do and decided to take a nap instead
"How The Grinch Stole Christmas" - The story of a homeless guy and his dog shunned by society during the holidays.
that face you make when you only have 1 or 2 presents & the other people around you have 10-12 :-/...then while they are still opening theirs you sit around with that f you look
I love you and you ignore me, I ignore you and you love me.
vacuuming my sheets, which is a fairly clear sign that I need to stop eating in bed.
From the outside everyone looks like a nice person, try living with them for a week and see who they really are.
It's amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
I don't know what's worst seinfields jokes or his hairline
Necco Wafers: the barium swallow of candies.
When I say "It's a long story" to you, It usually means I just don't want to tell you or I'm just lazy to.
Arthur Carlson said As God as my witness...I thought turkeys could fly not Les Nessman
Looks like we'll get another year of Lebron James choking.
one girl scout cookie away from type two diabetes
Nothing is scarier than an old milky eyed gypsy whispering "don'cha be 'fraid naw."
Sunday's best part: Reminding everyone of a new long week at work.
Now that I'm older, I sometimes wonder If Hobbes really was just a product of Calvin's imagination.
Can you imagine how scary the Wendy William's Pushing Out a Baby Face looks?
woke up having unintentionally lost his virginity to a newly unsprung spring in the bed :(
making a Sexual Bucket List: 50 Things to Do Sexually Before You Die 