Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I love you and you ignore me, I ignore you and you love me.

   vacuuming my sheets, which is a fairly clear sign that I need to stop eating in bed.

   From the outside everyone looks like a nice person, try living with them for a week and see who they really are.

   It's amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.

   I don't know what's worst seinfields jokes or his hairline

   Necco Wafers: the barium swallow of candies.

   When I say "It's a long story" to you, It usually means I just don't want to tell you or I'm just lazy to.

   Arthur Carlson said As God as my witness...I thought turkeys could fly not Les Nessman

   Looks like we'll get another year of Lebron James choking.

   one girl scout cookie away from type two diabetes

   Nothing is scarier than an old milky eyed gypsy whispering "don'cha be 'fraid naw."

   Sunday's best part: Reminding everyone of a new long week at work.

   Now that I'm older, I sometimes wonder If Hobbes really was just a product of Calvin's imagination.

   Can you imagine how scary the Wendy William's Pushing Out a Baby Face looks?

   woke up having unintentionally lost his virginity to a newly unsprung spring in the bed :(

   making a Sexual Bucket List: 50 Things to Do Sexually Before You Die

   In the Costa Concordia movie, the main character should be an Italian cruise ship crash investigator who was planning to retire this week.

   I see ole' Beverly Perdue is packing her Government bags and headed back to her husband Frank's Chicken farm! "Pluck them feathers woman!" heehee

   One advantage of going to sleep drunk: The bed bugs leave you alone.

   Sexual frustration should recharge phone batteries...