Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   African dictators have been filling government positions with their family and friends for years. It's about time America caught up.

   I went from fat to fit ... but only on the "how do you compare physically to the President" scale.

   thought Brett Farve was done throwing TD passes to Greenbay Packers....does last nights touchdowns count towards his Packer stats?

   next time my name is in your mouth I hope you choke on it ass =)

   learned that you should never say "boom" at the airport. looks like i'm missing my flight

   This Christmas I'm going to surround the fireplace with bubblewrap so I can catch that Santa and ask him why he never got me that pony when I was little and see how he is going to make it up to me or I will hold Rudolph hostage.

   When I have visitors in town, my tour guide instincts kick in and I show them as much as I can. “That's the grocery store I go to.” “I work out there.” “I've made out with a girl on that bench.” “I've peed behind that dumpster." I hope

   some people are so stupid, if their brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M

   All I needed was the kit but they made me buy the whole kaboodle.

   I just played FARKLE against somebody from across the World, and yet we had a mutual friend! My opponent knows Pamela Anderson too!

   There is really quite nothing like the flavor of a rejected Facebook friendship invitation.

   If practicing your autograph is g@y, I don't wanna be straight.

   Do NOT download the Mel Gibson app on your new iPhone. It attacks all your other apps, then implodes.

   During a speech at Columbia University, founder of Microsoft, Bill Gates, said his rival at Apple, Steve Jobs, has done a fantastic job. Then Gates froze up and had to be restarted. :)

   I can finally sympathize with women after I had to make a CVS trip at 2 am because my XBOX controller ran out of batteries.

   i am a member of the C.S.I cant stand idiots

   mark wahlberg said "The world needs Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber is like the white Tupac compared to a lot of people out there." marky mark need to go back to rehab for PCP.

   wondering what Tennesse Titans' nickname is, giving that Jacksonville Jaguars is "Jags" and Tampa Bay Bucaneers is "Bucs".

   how selfish are my neighbours to have a pin number on thier wifi.....rude that's what I call it!

   Algebra, Chemistry, and Physics, are a few things that have driven more women to the poles than the Suffrage movement...