Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If anyone wonders what a difference a year can make in someone's life....allow me to explain......if someone had told me a year ago....that Lance Armstrong and I would have the same number of Tour de France wins....I would have argued with them....but now

   Fellas; I don't think you realize how much your ability to kiss affects your chance of any future action.

   She told me she was a vegan so I pretended I never met herbivore.

   Lil wayne looks like a monkey that went into a Tattoo parlor ate the folders of pictures of tattoos and then shat ir out

   There is a name for people without beards.... Women!

   If on Father's day you don't post a picture of your dad carrying you as a baby, I'm not sure you really "love" him.

   Our breakup was due to religious differences. She didn't think I was God.

   "By leaving your bed, your chances of dying increases by 99%. It's science; " specially when you stalk people.

   I hate the Discovery Channel. I just wasted a bunch of money on 90 ton test fly line.

   Women are as horny as men; they just hide their b0ners better.

   If breakups never existed, the music industry would go BANKRUPT.

   the circus is in town!!! oh wait, nah, its jus walmart

   No better way to kick off a Monday then to defend a sweet elderly women from a crabby ass "Douchebag", who clearu has no respect for the humankind!!!

   Instead of Valentine's Day we should change it to Forever Alone Day

   looking for a kennel for the kids, our vacation is coming up

   Hired a violent monkey to beat up my enemies. I call him Injurious George.

   No matter how hard you try, you can't mail a fart.

   I only drink on days that end.

   It's so hot in my house. I'm sweating like a cat in a Chinese restaurant.

   Some guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a cup of water...