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Maybe Obama should have pitched Obamacare on Shark Tank? 
I thought lubing my arse with vegetable oil would make my poop come out faster, but I just slipped off the toilet and shat on the floor.. :(
DID YOU KNOW......The tallest mountain on earth is under the ocean: Mauna Kea in Hawaii is 10,200 metres (33,465 ft) high. Mount Everest is 8,848 metres (29,029 ft) high.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Lets face it tubby....YOUR FAT ! I am not going to sugar coat it,...cause you eat that to .
Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status...After 5 it should default to 'Unstable'
OMG = Obama Must Go
If you want to worship someone who was tortured, killed, then came back to life, I'd say Wile E. Coyote should be it. He's the one who REALLY took one for the team.
After knocking all the mens hats off, Bill was escorted out of the safety meeting screaming "I can dance if I want to"........
Men who cry don't have nut sacks, they have testical purses.
The Dough boy died of a yeast infection. He's survived by his wife Jayne & daughter, Dill Dough. Services to be held at 3:50 for 20 minutes.
Last night I turned wine into vomit. Your move, Jesus.
Okay, I haven't seen a damn spider around here in like three days...What the hell are they planning??
headed back to 1988 to pick up a few thousand Microsoft stocks
SUPERBAD and McLOVIN every minute of it.
My wife and I use the pull-out method for birth control ....we pull out our phones and ignore each other all night.
God traffic sucks today. So glad that 47 per cent of the people in this country don't even try otherwise traffic would be even worse!
I can't wait for the Columbine themed episode of Glee.
so tired of hearing about Tiger Woods and Jesse James...it happens to everybody just ask me about my "X"!
preparing for confession. Anyone have an unused condom? 