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My wife likes it doggie style. I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead. 
1. Lemon 2. Ice 3. Me Things my wife doesn't want in cider
If I ever have to have open heart surgery I hope my fridge busts in and stares into open me for ten minutes hoping to see something good
If Republicans didn't insist on upholding their "Proud Tradition of Failure to do their JOB" ... Perhaps this country wouldn't be in such a sad state of affairs. They were elected to do one thing then proceeded to do another ..... SHEESH
Gary Johnson 2016 #FeelTheJohnson
If there was no collusion, then there wouldn't be any obstruction of justice...
In this world, there are beings who consider you their universe. Okay, they're dust mites and they live on your eyebrows, but so?
Has anyone suggested the Google Earth app to the Flat Earth Society?
Between diet soda, the Impossible Whopper and non-dairy creamer, our foods have become more fake than our online personas.
It doesn't actually bother me much that I'll keep forgetting to write 2020 on my checks. What does bother me, is that it's 2020 and I'm still writing checks.
Has a 24 pack of Charmin Extra Soft. Willing to trade for a bottle of Imodium A-D.
Mexico is reconsidering building the wall for the sole purpose of keeping out New Yorkers.
I’m building a wall around Facebook and Your all going to pay for it
Atheists, spending all their negative energy and life talking about God until they become plant food. What a waste
The only time a man should dance is when another man is shooting at his feet.
Somebody stop the INTERNET, I want to get off!
Welcome to laser noises club. Please take a pew, pew....pew!
Not to brag, but I'm totally going to be the first one shot in any kind of hostage situation.
Conspiracy Theory #237 - The Easter bunny and the tooth fairy are secretly working together.
Not sure what's the bigger ball story of 2015. "Deflate Gate" or "Deflate Cait"? 