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To find your cool robot name, take the first 16 digits of your credit card and combine it with the expiration date and security code. What's yours? 
A handsome firefighter just friended me on Facebook. I wish I was gay :(
Who makes the sandwiches in a lesbian relationship?
I heard Colin kaepernick had a choice between cotton and polyester jerseys and wouldn't you know it 'he picked cotton'
My wife has basically two problems: Nothing to wear and not enough closet space.
Pence should consider himself lucky....worse has happened with presidents at theaters
Who cares about Elmer Fudd's rifle. I'm way more concerned about them taking Marvin the Martian's Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.🗼
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that's okay with you guys?
Breaking news: Justify declines invitation to the White House.
At least good old Bill didn't have to pay for blowjobs and sex.
I always carry a bottle of acid in my pocket so if anyone tries to.attack me I can throw it in their face. Then all I need to do is outrun them for an hour until they start tripping.
just saw the headline "Garfield cartoonist apologizes" and my first thought was "About time. That comic strip has been lame for decades"
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit ;o)
I always thought differently than the other kids in school. Teacher asked us if we could be any animal we wanted what would we be. I said, "A Bird". Teacher said, "So you can fly"? I said, "No, so my sh*t can be white".
They should make Vodka ChapStick
And if Hillary wins the election it won't be the first time in history that a criminal moves into public housing vacated by a black family.
Scientists have discovered some intelligent dna in women, unfortunately 95% of them spit it out!
I'm about to yell inside an envelope!....voice mail..b*tch
now that the NBA is back in action, it gives black guys a chance to dribble on something other than Lisa Lampanelli
Facebook should have a limit on how many times you change ure relationship status, after 3 in a year it should auto-default to "unstable" 