Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon omawho ??
←Rate | 02-02-2014 19:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The next time I hear cheerleaders scream out 'give me a D!'
←Rate | 02-10-2014 01:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't believe I haven't ruined somebody's day yet.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 12:49 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't forget to alienate people People love aliens
←Rate | 12-08-2014 00:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't even bother asking the car dealer how many dead bodies can fit in the trunk. He won't take you serious. Just crawl in & check it out.
←Rate | 12-12-2014 00:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon todays weather 4-6 bottles of beer changing over to a large pizza iwith lots of cheese and pepperoni
←Rate | 02-01-2015 09:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In dog beers, I've only had 1
←Rate | 02-12-2015 11:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't even know why I bother. Every time I get my car washed, the next day I drive into the back of a manure truck while texting.
←Rate | 02-22-2015 07:13 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dog strollers are a thing if you were wondering where the trajectory of humanity is taking us.
←Rate | 02-23-2015 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best way to solve your relationship problems is to post about them on the internet and let your friends solve them for you.
←Rate | 03-01-2015 15:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If there's ever a crazed maniac chasing you with an ax, just picture him in his underwear and you won't be scared anymore.
←Rate | 03-15-2015 08:13 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I stopped, dropped and rolled when you told me you loved me.
←Rate | 03-21-2015 13:08 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Curb alert! Sabra hummus and Blue Bell ice cream varieties
←Rate | 04-09-2015 13:50 by Sean Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pac Man turned 35 today. Pretty sure he can expect some birthday head from Ms. Pac Man, although I am not sure how that would work.
←Rate | 05-22-2015 21:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ask, "when are you due" with impunity because fat chicks can't run very fast, anyway.
←Rate | 06-27-2014 14:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not my job to fix you, people get paid for that.
←Rate | 07-04-2014 10:05 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
←Rate | 07-11-2014 09:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wanna have some fun? get in the van!
←Rate | 08-06-2014 16:24 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Spotify, safe for work does not translate to safe for my masculinity when Backstreet Boys - As Long As You Love Me, goes blaring through the shop. It probably didn't help that I knew all the words and the dance from the video either.
←Rate | 08-13-2014 16:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: What's the capital of Ohio?.... Son:.?... Me: It's also a famous explorer.... Son: Dora? ... Me: Yep,, Dora, Ohio.
←Rate | 09-16-2014 21:26 by snotty Comments (0)  



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