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Its so cute how we assume referee are going to be 100% neutral and objective in games/matches totally forgetting that they are just human like you and me. 
You know that reaction you get when you see a toilet that wasn't flushed? That's my face when someone orders bottled water at the bar.
What do you mean the stun gun was not foreplay?
I'm like a moth to a beer.
unappreciated and taken for granted
I once dated a woman in her 50s, guys, I can tell you, teeth are sometimes highly overrated.
Marriage is the only war, during which, you sleep with the enemy.
If I lose a hand, accident or not,, I'd replace it with a prosthetic gavel. Just so you can see that I'm judging you, and for garlic competitions.
I broke up with my GF when she told me, "I'm so sorry I slept with you're brother" Can you believe she used "you're" instead of "your"!?!
The way US governments is running, I wonder how many taxes and permits would he have to get, If Noah was called up to build a boat in the 2013,.....
Everyone is a professional runner when I'm chasing them on the sidewalk with my car.
I think that in hell everyone is drunk but you.
The hottest club in town is the one with the least amount of Beliebers inside
It is so hot and humid in Montreal that our dog tried to get into the deep freezer to cuddle with my daughter's a sshole ex-boyfriend.
Turns all electronic devices off and lives happily ever after...
I polled 100 women on what their favourite shampoo was. The response was all the same..."How did you get into my bathroom?!??!?"
The sexual frustration at this church bake sale is palpable.
If you're helping me move and I ask you to move the box that's completely taped shut you're holding the box with all my vibrat0rs in it.
I always worry that mankind is going to start World War III solely because we enjoy trilogies.
I'm not ignoring you, I'm just not taking any notice. 