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5 symptoms of laziness –> 1. 
You know what they say. So I guess I don’t have to tell you.
"Great, another three-day work week. FML!" ~ My Liver.
My new pick-up line: "I have a full tank of gas!"
Chum; It's like Hershey Kisses for sharks.
Congratulations to Kim, Kanye and baby Cthulhu! The end is nigh...
Note to self: you never read these notes, so stop writing them.
ladies stop complaining about not being able to find a nice guy who's not a player or cheats open your eyes i'm right here
It would be cool if Chick-Fil-A replaced the muppet toys with boy scout action figures.......
Because of gas prices,, the Motor Trend Car of the Year for 2012 is walking.
Now that the Olympics are over, Michael Phelps can finally be released back into the ocean so he can be in his natural habitat
I'm not saying she is a slut, but she has been on more wieners than heinz ketchup
It seems Prince Harry exposed the Crown Jewels while playing "Strip Pool" in Las Vegas. This begs the questions as to whether or not he followed up with a rousing game of "Hide the Scepter" ...
Eminem is the only man in the world who could make fun of Taylor Swift without her writing a song about it."
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich... I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
early predictions have hurricane Isaac causing $50 million in improvements to New Orleans...
If I had a nickel for every time I banged your mom I could afford to bang her again today.
Money does not change people it only shows their true character whether being generous or selfish
its hard to get stoked about a soccer game that's 3 hours long and ends 1-1...
I hate when a guy fingers me and texts his girlfriend at the same time. I always get the weaker hand. 