Trump Filter: ON | OFF
Search Messages:
It was all good at the HS reunion party until I laughed too hard my gun fell out of my pocket. 
"Was that lightning?" "No. They're taking pictures for Google Earth."
What if there's money hidden behind every wall in my house? What if there's a sale on sledgehammers? What if sh*t's about to get crazy?
bring back Gay jeffrey!! I always used his stuff that he put up!!!
It's cute how "America's Got Talent" focuses on singing & dancing instead of our real talents: overeating & complaining.
Be as smart as Wikipedia, but think like Google
You had me at "Restraining Order."
Moonwalking into exam rooms is how I let patients know they are going to die.
I dont see what's the big deal about Bath Salt Water... I tried it and nothing happened, but I gotta tell ya..... Everything sure looks like CHICKEN!!!
Brought the wrong size underwear. Now I look like I'm smuggling grapes.
Traveled home by pogo stick last night, got stopped by the police for jumping a red light.
Will celebrate Canada Day by continuing to be unable to name one single Province they've got up there.
It doesn't sound manly for a guy to say he's tweeting on Twitter.
What's sad is that December 22, 2012 falls on a Saturday, so you can't go to school and say "Oh, I thought we were all going to die, so I didn't do my homework".
You can't face the problem, if the problem is your face.
don't you occasionally go through your friends' list and think to yourself: DANG! I'd hit that....... with a truck!
A fauxhawk is a good way of letting people know they can beat you in a fight.
Never forget what someone says when they're angry. Apologies are given when people are sorry that others heard their unfiltered opinions.
I haven't received a gift from you yet. Can you send the tracking number?
Golfing today and noticed a Partridge under a Pine Tree. Stupid bird ruined the song. 