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It's what's on the inside that counts, and other things ugly people say. 
Excuse me while I go slip into something more alcohol.
it in bad taste to ask if Wes Craven died in his sleep?
(Calm announcers voice) And Here we see Flavor Flav panicking as he crosses the International Date Line
Merry Half-Christmas! Enjoy the holiday, everyone.....
Live each day like someone's paying for drinks
The best part about being a plumber a friend told me is you can tell a snobby old rich lady that she needs a new ballcock with a straight face...
Oh great. The 50 shades of grey movie comes out Valentine's day... I'm Not opposed to seeing it, my issue is if not going to first showing off day, odds go up exponentially as the day goes on that you'll be sitting in a wet chair.
I think states are over looking the Dr Kevorkian method. Enough said. . .
How much for the love drug? Sir, that's chloroform
If I've learned anything from movies, it's that the Chief or Police is always bl@ck.
I think I will go for a drive, just to pick my nose. . .
Biologically Speaking, if something bites you, it is more likely to be female.
If you say you can’t cook what you're really saying is that you can’t read and follow directions.
If I could do the Jedi mind trick, I would get an insane amount of oral sex.
If any of you guys get to hell before me, save me a seat at the bar
I guess its official. Baby New Year is a boy again, and everyone's already waiting for his ball to drop.
Just because I'm not in a good mood doesn't mean I don't want sex
Ladies, It don't matter how tall or how short you are...but there is a weight limit
Oh boy, we're so poor that our best enjoyable memory is someone's farting. 