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it drinko de Mayo or cinco de drinko? F*uck it, I'm just getting drunko... 
I'm here to kick ass and mispronounce names.
If you were cyberbullied by me or my gang on the wii tennis forums,,,, I apologize. I have grown a lot since then.
You can't buy happiness, But you can buy weed. And that's kind of the same thing.
How much of this Lucky Charms cereal do I have to eat before I get lucky tonight? Currently on box 37.....
Nasty bumper sticker: My Kid Knocked Up Your Honor Student.
Tongue rings make no sense to me, esp if you're a dude.
Lets see do I root for the Gators or the Hurricanes today? Aaron Hernandez -3(murders) or Ray Lewis +3(murders).
If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise
I just found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me with the Middle Linebacker from Notre Dame.
I trick girls into 69 by giving them upside down hugs.
trying to have sex when you're wasted is like trying to play pool with a piece of string
I feel bad for whoever has to explain the Harlem Shake to Jesus!
For the first time ever Women's IQ test scores are higher than Men's!......But to keep it fair they didn't include the ''Blondes'' scores!!!
"Val Kilmer really was the best Batman." ~Nobody, not even Val Kilmer
I don't hate you! I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank...
I love wanking in the shower but I've been told that if I do it again, they're gonna revoke my gym membership.
I don't care what kinda lighter you have, its fair game if its unattended. Unless its engraved, then I'll give it back for Christmas.
States that issue Food Stamps should also legalize marijuana, They just go hand and hand
Two cars crashed into each other in Mexico. 57 Dead., 