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Be great. If they hate you, be GREATER. 
I'll catch you later: Cool thing to say to a friend, scary thing to say to a child.
Adele is Pregnant... Those beautiful lyrics finally make sense. I just wanna know which lucky guy decided to go "Rolling in the deep" cos he's gonna "get it all" now... in Alimony!!!
Hey,,,I say stuff, you should say stuff with me,, and then we'll have fun... M-kay?
Magic Mike has the makings to be this generations Show Girls...just sayin
To block the annoying person's status updates, or keep them around because their horrible personal life is entertaining?!?!
Piglets are so cute. I love it how we eat them when they get fat and ugly.
I'm great at pretending I'm not an a$$hole.
Every time I crave chick-fil-a, it's f'ing Sunday!
She could have a Grammy, and I would still treat her like a Nominee.
I'm on that “Starts tomorrow” diet...... Everyday!!
May your enemies know the sound of a smattering of applause.
You have the Man Pit and the Man Cave, yup going to have the female version and call it the Maxie Pad
BBC News - "Wettest June since records began"I blame that 'fifty shades of grey' book.
I drink coffee to get up, and beer to get down.
To all the scientists who were a part of 40 yrs of finding God Particle- Congrats! A Gr8 day for science. Isn't it? BUT the question still remains- Where is the Goddamn calorie-free Beer!
Bushes make me nervous. I always worry a naked man will emerge from one asking for toilet paper.
If loving you is wrong, I have probably loved you.
I had formed an opinion of this Lazy Guy, and then I thought, until I have walked a mile in his shoes, so I did! Now I know he's Lazy and has Athlete's Foot!!!
I dont wanna masturbate tonight so please, nobody mentions Betty White to me. 