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I wish I could get as excited about anything as the dog does about going for a ride. 
Word of the day:FOCUS. If someone annoys the sh*t out of u, tell them 2 FOCUS.(F**k Off Cause Ur Stupid!!!!)
"Lol" is not a message worth replying to.
thinks The McRib is made of the same fat they injected in Lisa Rinna's lips.
One for all and all of one..Translation- Every man for himself!!!
"Has Anybody realized just how dirty Nutri Grain's Slogan(You Only Get Out What You Put In) is?
my freedom, bless yours. Today, tomorrow and always.
not here right now. if you'd like to reach me on my cell phone, please buy me a cell phone.
That's a low blow - and talking of low blows, how's your mother?
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
did you just say something?Or did your brain fart!
You know that movie where the guy needs to keep his adrenaline level up or he dies? My weekend was just like that, except the opposite.
Try Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back.
New study shows that too much Facebook leads to alcohol/drug abuse, which leads to neglecting one's imaginary sheep.
Living in Orlando makes me feel like I'm in a foreign country....which is PERFECT for Thanksgiving!!!
Good morning. Are you having TSA fantasies?
3 Pints of Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, a wrench, and handcuffs made out of Twizzlers. I'm ready for bootycall Friday night to begin!
Always remember to pillage before you burn.
Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents
Who's cruel idea was it to put the 's' in lisp? 